Note to readers: This is a review of my personal journal from my time as a Peace Corps Volunteer in the Dominican Republic more than a decade ago. I have done my best not to change what I wrote, even if I feel differently now. Part of the joy of reading old journals is seeing a story arc where I’ve learned new things.
25 Sept 2001
Today sucked ass.
Maybe that’s too strong. By in large, today I felt bored, irritated, and frustrated. The enormity of the challenge I’ve taken on has really hit full force. Here I am, in a foreign country, sitting through lectures and lessons forty hours a week, and dealing with a lack of freedom like I’ve not seen before.
Intellectually, I knew it would be like this, but now, I really feel the difficulty. I must remember not to merely give in to the situation, but use this as an opportunity to study myself. How do I behave when I’m not entirely free to distract myself from my difficulty?
This morning, I got up at 6:50, selected my clothing, and bathed. Ondina served me a breakfast of torta, cafe, juice. I felt nervous because I didn’t have a wristwatch. Sure enough, I was ten minutes late.
I felt so sleepy during class. All day, I felt incapable of speaking Spanish or getting anything quite right. I even misused politeness, which shows how far gone I was.
I think of my self as being effortlessly courteous. That is to say that politeness is so well-built in that I believe I act like a gentleman without any appearance of artifice or affectation. But today, at the end of a brief chat with the Country Director, I offered to take her lunch dishes up to be cleaned. Because of the way I did it, the act seemed like ass-kissing, and I felt very self-conscious.
The also have started to assign homework. I feel like I’m back in high school. High school for me has so many negative associations that if this experience continues to remind me of high school, I will be in great pain.
I need to figure out how to enjoy myself a bit more. Tomorrow, they’ll show us how to use the public transit system; I hope to be able to figure out my route to a quiet place away from this noisy house. Perhaps I can figure out how to get downtown and do some exploring.
I did hang out with Erin today. She is quiet, smart, and introverted. I can tell that she would make a very loyal confidante and friend. I certainly hope I can build that sort of relationship with her. It was very pleasant to speak with her & I hope to spend more time doing same. (This is NOT a sexual relationship I’m after. She’s pretty, but that’s not the point.)
I’ve also taken to flirting with this one girl in class. We’ll sit beside each other and play juvenile games. She winks at me. I brush by her in passing just a little too close for coincidence. I’m not actually interested in her, but it’s great entertainment. I certainly hope she doesn’t take it too seriously.
The one desire I have most now is to restart my meditation practice. If I buy an alarm tomorrow, I can get up before the noise starts, and then sit, using the alarm to time the period.
Otherwise, today I finished reading a novel Memoir of A Geisha. It was tasty. Speaking of which…
Eaten today
| Breakfast | Lunch | Dinner |
| Torta and coffee | Lentils, rice, plantains | moro de guandules, vegetable salad in vinegar |
The previous entry in this series is A response to disaster preparedness training: possible mental disasters and eventualities. The next entry in this series is Things I want from Peace Corps. You can see the journal entries as I post them here. If you’re just starting, here’s the first entry.
